Sometimes a dilemma is
faced when it seems that one command of God must be “disobeyed” in order to
obey another command of God (e.g. Matt. 12:5; John 7:22-23). The Lord
instituted both family obligations and church-discipline obligations, so what
happens when the fulfillment of one seems to conflict with the fulfillment of
the other? For example, what does a Christian wife do when the church withdraws
from her husband? What do Christian parents do when this happens to one of
their children? What do the children do when this happens to one or both
parents? On one hand there are God-given responsibilities for spouses (1 Cor.
7:3-5, 10-13; Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7), parents (Eph. 6:4;
Col. 3:21; 1 Tim. 5:8; Tit. 2:4), and children (Rom. 1:30; Eph. 6:1-3; Col.
3:20; Luke 2:42, 51). Even when children become adults, they still have certain
obligations toward their parents (cf. Eph. 6:2; Matt. 15:4-6; Mark 7:9-13; Luke
18:18-21; 1 Tim. 5:4, 8, 16) and vice versa (cf. Gen. 7:1, 7; 24:1-4; 27:1-4;
46:1-7; 49:1 ff.; 1 Sam. 2:22-25; Matt. 22:2; Luke 15:20-32). On the other
hand, God has instructed Christians not to associate with brethren who walk
disorderly (1 Cor. 5:2-11; 2 Thess. 3:6, 14). This poses a real problem when
some degree of association is necessary to fulfill a family duty. Unfortunately
the Bible does not specifically address this predicament and there is no easy
solution.
The Lord must be a
Christian’s first priority, even before the closest of human relationships
(Matt. 10:37; Mark 10:29-30; Luke 14:26-33). When this is the case, at least
two things will happen: (1) The Christian will not allow family members to
hinder his obedience to the Lord, and (2) he will not neglect his God-given
family obligations (which is part of his obedience to the Lord, cf. Col.
3:18-24). When an apparent conflict arises between the two, the Christian must
first determine exactly what responsibilities he has toward the disciplined
family member and then do his imperfect best to fulfill both without
compromising either. In other words, he must try to carry out whatever family
duties he might have in such a way that the disciplinary action is not
compromised or rendered ineffective.
The greatest
responsibility one has toward a spouse, parent, or child is of a spiritual
nature (cf. Deut. 6:5-9; 1 Pet. 3:1). There ought to be no question as to which
of the following is most important: (a) temporal associations, or (b) eternal
fellowship. The primary purpose of disciplinary action is to make the erring
Christian aware of his sinful behavior, emphasize the seriousness of his
spiritual condition, and engender shame and godly sorrow to prompt repentance
and restoration (1 Cor. 5:5; 2 Thess. 3:14-15; 1 Tim. 1:20). It is an attempt
to pull him “out of the fire” and to save his soul (Jude 23).
While it may not
be necessary to discontinue all interaction, since some form of admonishing is
to continue (2 Thess. 3:15; cf. Gal. 6:1), a decision must be made as to what
is in the best spiritual interest
of the one disciplined. If the errant loved one is treated the same as before
(as though nothing is wrong) and continues to enjoy an approving relationship,
he is not being shown loving concern for his spiritual condition and destiny,
nor is he given the incentive to change.
Emotionally this is without question an extremely difficult
situation to be in, and much patience and understanding should be shown toward
anyone who may be struggling with this dilemma. If a Christian is involved in
family interaction with one disciplined by the church, whatever else might be
said or done, the impression should not be left that the current condition of
the erring member is forgotten, considered unimportant, or condoned.
--Kevin L. Moore
Related
Posts: Church Discipline, Not Keep Company With/Admonish as a Brother
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